Updated: Apr 2, 2020
Have you heard the voice in your head lately?
You know the one? The annoying, mean-spirited and overly negative one?
The one that tries to convince you that you “can’t” do something? You aren’t “good enough”? You’re too <INSERT NEGATIVE COMMENT HERE> to be worthy of love? The one that says “who are you to do X? Who do you think you are?”
(That little a-hole can be really convincing, can’t she?)
There’s a lot that goes on in our minds, and it’s normal to have doubts, worries, and apprehensions about or life and our abilities. But that doesn’t mean you have to listen to them. I want you to know that you are capable of doing WHATEVER it is you want to do. Sometimes it takes a lot of time, sometimes it takes investing your money, or building relationships, or a lot of sweat equity and elbow grease – but whatever it is, YOU can do it.
Especially if you’re a mum, you have a lot of sh*t happening in your brain at all times. (And even if you’re not living that #momlife, I know you’ve got lots going on, too.)
Did you turn off the stove? Did you remember Billy’s dentist appointment? Does Sally have soccer practice tonight? Is your big work report finished by the deadline? Do you have a meeting tomorrow? Do you have time to wash those pants?
Think of your brain like prime real-estate. All the important stuff needs to take up the majority of the property. We need to be more stingy with what we allow to set up shop in there, all willy-nilly.
And by that I mean, those negative doubts, thoughts, and comments that the annoying voice in your head tries to tell you.
Because the more you think something, the more it becomes real. That’s a version of manifestation.
Think negative thoughts, and your circumstances have a much more difficult time becoming positive.
(Now, I’m not saying you can “think” yourself into accomplishing all of your goals, but your mind, thoughts and actions should be aligned, for the most part. Don’t mistake the mind for something less important that the physical action.)
After all, “what you believe, you can achieve.” That’s a quote from Mary Kay Ash. (You know her, right? She’s achieved quite a lot.)
You know that episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte signs up to see some “love guru” speak? She drags Carrie along, who is acting as the poster child for pessimism, and they listen to this female author speak and suggest principles for getting what you want in life and love. And even though Carrie thinks it’s all a bit of a crock, Charlotte follows through, writes positive affirmations with lipstick on the mirror, and then I think she meets her future husband Harry shortly afterwards. (Correct me if you are a SATC addict; I’m the one who can tell you the synopsis of every FRIENDS episode there ever was, but got into the ‘City game late.)
Anyway, Charlotte was onto something with those lipstick affirmations. Don’t run away just yet – “affirmations” are just, quite simply, positive self-talk. And if you commit to them, they have the power to change you.
Sidebar: Have you ever seen that experiment with the apple that receives positive vs. negative talk for a period of time, and the apple thrives or deteriorates over time based only on the positive or negative words that were spoken to it? If you’re like Carrie, you may think that’s a load of crap, but it’s a powerful example of how words can affect you. And your fruit. (If you don’t believe me, you can check out that experiment, originally published on huffingtonpost.com, here.)
Now, you don’t have to be so extravagant and use your Chanel lipstick to write positive things on your mirror (unless you WANT to! I mean, it’s a lot of clean up…) but there is actual science behind the benefits of positive self-talk. (See for yourself by reading this article featured on PsychologyToday.com, and there is so much more where that came from! Really!)
One of the easiest ways to do this (without looking or feeling like a weird-o), is to engage in positive affirmations daily.
If you don’t know how to start, here’s my version of Affirmations 101:
Say something nice about yourself, out loud, as if you already ARE that nice thing.
Know what I’m sayin’?
Like, speak as if you are already doing whatever it is you “want” to be in the future.
You could simply say: “I am confident.” That’s it! Even if you don’t feel like you’re confident, SAY IT LIKE YOU ALREADY ARE.
The key is the “I am” part. It’s not, “I will be confident”, future tense. It’s “I AM” confident, present tense. “I am loved.” “I am healthy and fit.” “I am a strong woman.” “I am a kind and giving person.” “I am happy.”
If you’re like me, you may be on board by now, but there’s a chance you think you will run out of things to say if you’re going to do this practice on the daily.
Enter: the Affirmation Card Deck.
These little gems are INCREDIBLE and help you get a tangible sense of practicing affirmations (you know, outside of ruining your clean mirror with cinnamon red lipstick every day). They give you purpose and structure if you aren’t sure how to start talking positively to yourself.
My absolute FAVOURITE card deck comes from a sweet Canadian company called Love Powered Co. I’ve started blending the Love Powered Co "Love Powered Littles" card deck into our bedtime routine; I have my daughter pick a card or two, and she repeats the affirmations after me. *Edit: since posting this, I have also had Anna and Lindy from Love Powered Co on The Momfidence Podcast! Listen to their episode HERE.*
What a powerful way to teach our kiddos to start or finish the day with self love.
The information on these cards are not specific to children; they’re 1000% valuable for whomever is reading them.
You can get your own beautiful box of cards HERE, and I highly recommend having a physical copy. It makes it real and special. Love Powered Co has a deck for littles, teens, and women.
(But if you are more of a digital gal, you can also get a digital version of this tool HERE.)
Now, where can you sneak some positivity into your day? Morning? Night? Swap a little swiping for a little self-talk? While you’re making dinner? While you’re changing your baby’s diaper?
(“I am… about to barf at this poop-splosion” ?)
Just kidding. KIDDING! That’s not a positive affirmation. I think you get it. Find some time to do it. Wherever it fits!
If you want to give this a shot, you can start right away and you don’t “need” anything. But if you want some guidance, a tool, some support to lean on… I would highly recommend one of these card decks!
One love, peeps. XX